Thursday, May 24, 2012

faux feux

*Inspired by thoughts of comparison between our current, real, present lives in America and the fictional lives of those horrendous people from the Capitol in, you guessed it, Catching Fire (the second book of the Hunger Games trilogy). This isn't a story and it doesn't deserve much thought. Just a throw-up of thoughts. A need to convince myself that I may not do much or mean much as I exist but at least I am not wealthy and glutinous and at least I don't demand others' lives to entertain my own. It can also serve as a subtle reminder that I may not make much of an impact. And also that that should be okay because I am only human. And that's all I ever will be anyway.*
I sit around and I think. I am no longer a body, empowered. I am a soul, sitting. I can eat but that just makes me queasy. I can cook but that will just feed those here with me. I can sleep but all I do anyway is wake up with a headache. I don't want to be queasy. I want my head to stop hurting. I try and think of my purpose. What am I doing? Where am I going? What can I do?
In this modern world, things are as easy as sleeping at eating. And you have to work, usually for the man, to eat and sleep (at least comfortably). But that is all. Those are our struggles. We have nothing to overcome but boredom. We don't have anything to revolt against. Except for, maybe, our revolting selves. There is nothing demanding our attention except for, maybe, in places far enough away to lack the need for immediate attention. So we're removed from it. Enough so that we often don't even understand or acknowledge that maybe there is somewhere out there that needs us or could, at the very least, use us.
Instead we sit here, useless. Futile. We are satisfied enough being ugly. We are selfish and dull. And yet, we're looked up to. And we are proud. You know, to be American. To be the privileged elite.
Even if we can prove to make a difference in our lifetimes, what will that mean? Near or far. We can teach kids to deal with death, to be strong and confident individuals, to stand their ground but, in the end, we're just people and they're just people. We can support a struggling nation and provide them with stability but in the end they are just a nation of people and we are just a nation of people. And, in the end, we will die and they will die. And until then we will just be people and they will just be people. We will simply exist. And then we won't anymore.
Maybe, past our physical existence, we will survive in stories of history. But then, we will just be words. We may be immoral but even as our words reach those that may exist in the future, they will still be humans. Just as we were humans. And they will dye. I saw a quote the other day, "Our purpose in life is to give life purpose." I guess I just still don't understand. It's just life. Until it's death and eventually it ceases to exist.
We are a nation of decency, above all else. And a generation of tolerance. We are not evil. We just are. And that's decent. That's tolerable. We sit around and argue about freedoms and who has the rights to do what and who we should be but it doesn't really matter anyway because we're not under someone else's direct control. And we are not, our selves, in full control either. No one wants to have that responsibility even if they could. We simply are. We exist. And we accept that. And we will continue to do so until we don't. And then we won't. And that's all. That's that.

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